We’ve all heard quotes reminding us to focus only on that which we can control. To say this is a bit hard in our present circumstance, well that would be an understatement.
There are so many unknowns: about our jobs, about our children going back to school, about how life will look moving forward, about whether or not it will be safe to do so. I don’t know about you, but I prefer life in the known, with routine. Now routine has been ripped out from under me and along with it my control.
What if, however, routine, being busy, is simply the illusion of control. I think we sense this when life throws us a curve, the call from school saying a child is sick, the car needing repair, the news of restructuring at work, and we need to recalibrate before the routine resumes. The coronavirus stripped routine indefinitely and as a result exposed this illusion of control, but perhaps there are unexpected gifts to be found in this.
Uncertainty, coupled with the inability to be busy with routine, has forced us to set about the task of doing different work each day, the work of surrendering control. Surrendering control is not something we need to do when routine is humming along. Nor is it something we do readily when it isn’t. Our culture certainly does not support this. If we’re not in control, then who is? Perhaps one gift to be found in this is the recognition that God is in control, not us. God promises in scripture that He is in control and is at work for good in our lives, especially in the waiting. This is hard. Many of us do not know where our next pay check is coming from, when our businesses will reopen, or how long our position will last. How do we trust God is in control and at work for our good in these uncertain spaces when we cannot see it, when we do not feel it?
In uncertain times, like this, I think it is important for us to recall seasons of our lives that hold evidence of His provision, times when we lived through it and surfaced stronger. This helps to then pray in the moment for strength, direction, and trust that He will do it again. In the book of Genesis 50:20, Joseph says to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done.” This truth, But God, is present in the Bible repeatedly. God has left a clear message for us in scripture that what the world intends for harm, He will continually work for good because He loves us (Romans 8:28). In this, we must accept that we cannot see the larger picture as God does. We cannot see Him at work for our future and the future of those we love in our limited vision of the present, but we can trust He is. If I look for evidence of this right now, tangible bits of hope during quarantine of His promise, I find it in the unexpected gift of time.
In conversation with other parents, I am struck by how many others feel time has been just that, an unexpected gift during quarantine. It has allowed time to lovingly redirect a wayward child, or to work on a behavior in a child that there was never enough time or energy to lean into, or to give more one-on-one attention to a child who desperately needed it, or to help a child dive into a long held interest for which there was never time. Parents are witnessing growth, celebrating new confidences, and experiencing deeper relationships.
We are living in our homes versus just stopping by to eat and sleep. We are wearing out the carpet in our living rooms playing games, wearing pockets into our couches as we watch Netflix, yes, Netflix, we are still watching, and getting our kitchens messy while baking together. We are sitting at the dinner table together eating, laughing, and sharing. Kids are getting bored, this is a good thing, and creativity is blossoming. They are playing outside for hours on end. Couples are going for walks, having a quiet glass of wine together on the porch at night, building marriages. I calculated that on a good day I spend an average of five hours taxiing my people around. In gaining those hours back I have had time to add a work out, read a book for pleasure, and sleep!
I think if we look hard enough this time has allowed each of us to begin to relearn our spouses, our children, and most importantly, ourselves. I say relearn because people change, and it takes time and intention to relearn new versions of ourselves, our spouse in the season he or she is in, and most certainly our ever changing, growing children. When we’re busy, we have to work a lot harder to see ourselves, our spouse, our children and meet them where they are. Shelter-in-place where busy cannot cloud what’s under the surface, and slowly the needs of family members, even self begin to surface. This time has been an unexpected gift for many.
God is at work in the lives of each one of us, in our homes, and in our futures. I believe He is asking each of us to lean into a deeper relationship with Him, surrender our desire for control to Him, and to trust Him. But this takes work on our part to be still, to listen, and then to move when God says move. To take that walk with your spouse, to go for a bike ride with that child, to have family game nights, to call on neighbors, to reconnect with family and friends via Zoom, to call elderly family members, to serve the vulnerable in our communities, to grow in our faith and our relationship with God, to consider a career change, to assess life goals, to be intentional with family. These small acts we do have control over right now are more powerful than we believe, and I do not think that is a mistake. I believe deep and necessary change is happening.
What change do you believe we will see as a result of this pandemic? I am hopeful that some of the most powerful waves of change will be those within the walls of our homes as we invest time in our families and in our faith. As we contemplate our tendency to focus on the external, the routine, the illusion of control, I pray we see the unexpected gift in the hard pivot we have been forced to make inward, relearning those we love and drawing closer to Him, surrendering and trusting that God is at work in the waiting.
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10
I am at a loss for words. Wow! Your words touched my soul
Thank you for reading, Nancy!